huh, the last time i posted here was more than a year ago. it's interesting how time is so... unpredictable. i don't really know what's the last major thing that happened since i've been here. i'd say starting work, but that post seems so recent (not that i remember what it was about - damn myself for being so damn cryptic most of the time -_-, my memory can't keep up with it) and starting work seemed like it happened way longer ago.
i've been wondering constantly today about why people do evil things to other people.
yesterday was a particularly sad day for me, for no particular reason. watched batman, thought it was amazing. not only because i thought it was shot brilliantly (but what do i know, eh?), but also because it delineated (in a relatively extremely complicated way) how straightforward the battle between good and evil is. it was basically a cartoon, but filmed with real people, and for adults. and i think for that 3 hours during which all of us were sitting in that darkened room, we abandoned all pretense and maturity and we let ourselves be vulnerable to what was happening on screen. (well, i did anyway) there were some very real issues that were highlighted in the movie - the 'oppression' of the people, were the policemen really the actual bad guys, the importance of law and order, the power of hope (i especially loved the part where the police were marching towards bane & co and how they were so reluctant and afraid initially but how everything changed in a split second when batman flew in with his ridiculously cool ?beatle/bee/wasp/'bat' thing and fired a round of bullets), the meaning of true loyalty (i want an alfred of my own! or, i want to be an alfred(ette?) to somebody!), and how the real heroes are nice guys who never, ever, EVER give up or turn and run when they are need and STILL do not want any recognition for anything.
it restored my faith in humanity for a little while. i may have cried a little.
i was also at certain times during the movie mildly paranoid about there being another shooting...
it's been exactly three weeks and a day since i last heard from you. do i miss you? yes. have i felt this way about anybody before? i'd very much like to say no but the answer is yes and honestly this is probably nothing compared to certain things i've had to go through in the past five years or so.
how is it that one of the most amazing people (until they become one of the greatest jerks) that i have known have failed to leave nothing more than a slight dent in my life?
certain things will always remind me of you for some time. penguins. sloths. jose. peanut butter ice cream in underground bunkers. that stupid joke and... punnet.
i hope i forget you and that you just slowly and silently slip through the nets of my memory.
'fuck yo' sad face.'
alright, point taken.
this is where i say that i hope you have a good life and i wish you all the best (like i already did) but i'm sorry. no. i hope you meet somebody who messes you up the way you probably mess other people up. i hope you meet another lorna. i could have been lorna, i could have probably been way more amazing than lorna (what kind of name is lorna?), screw you.
ok right. now this is me going off to do some questions on clinical pharmacology and toxicology. who the fuck poisons themselves with hydrofluoric acid? because of you, stupid metaphoric x year old man, BECAUSE OF YOU I KNOW HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO MANAGE SOME OTHER REAL LIFE IDIOT AND ALSO KNOW SOME SHIT ABOUT SYSTEMIC FLUOROSIS. WTF.
why do people kill themselves? who invented the notion of suicide? why are humans for most of the time SO. FUCKING. STUPID?