not because these duckies mean anything
but precisely because they don't mean anything at all.
:)
i still think about you occasionally, and how great it would be if we were still friends - we would conquer the universe together many times over, and we wouldn't need to be afraid of being alone because we'd always have each other.
and then i think about what she's told me about what potentially almost happened between you and her (this is somebody else) and how everything happened when we were... us and how i suddenly realised with a cold gripping fear that you probably are not the same person anymore, and i realise that perhaps this is the best ending there is.
you are still you, and i'm still... me. without the interruption of reality and/or time.
it is very hard for me to fully let this go although time has already done its magic and i am free from all the guilt, desperation and regret. i am finding it harder and harder to idealise you and i am finding that i remember less each day. i, however, find comfort in the fact that once upon a time, life was perfect and i couldn't have wished for anything more. when i think about that, i somehow tell myself that i must be missing all that and i must be losing out on something, and then i mourn for it "obligatorily"...
... which is a very twisted thing to do -_-
(edit: i also realise that i have been stubbornly subscribing to certain idiosyncrasies as a sort of a 'tribute' to you, so much so that i don't really have an identity anymore. it is perhaps obscure knowledge that it is an unfortunate fact that my life is a patchwork quilt of similar 'tributes' to similarly undeserving individuals. i am intending to do something about this. seriously.)
SO. this is me - on the brink of a new phase of my life, with new people in it, and some people no longer in it. it is time to say goodbye (again) and hopefully this is the last time i will attempt it.
i don't owe you a lifetime of regret and remorse. i've done all i can (regretfully too, retrospectively) to fix things and i've tried to facilitate potentially one of the greatest friendships in our lives but to no avail.
oh well.
i'm getting real bored of saying this but here i go again - goodbye, and have a good life.
:)
ps. ugh does this mean i have to change my banner now...? asdklfjawepoijbpsofdnbkaljnerfuawiernaidfjbsnkb
